1 In this photograph you are
a single parent so
never drinking alone.
You and baby
each with your bottles tipped back
grin gaga into the lens.
Your lover finds you hilarious.
Your lover finds you worth
looking after, even if they don’t
realize how much danger you are in
or who the threat to you really is.
2 In this photograph, you are
reacting to the car horn
ears pick up where eyes did not.
Steps loose, hips swaying
three sheets to the wind.
The baby is safe
with someone else
who loves her.
You are stepping
into the passenger side
of your lover’s car
having barely crossed the road.
3 In this photograph you are-
Why did the drunk cross the road?
In this photograph you are
laughing at all the jokes.
You are the joke in this photograph
only now instead of laughter
your lover is angry.
Drives you to drink, it does,
all that anger directed in your direction
when you’re just trying to deflect something
that no one can name yet
because you are a year away
from a stage one diagnosis.
4 In this photograph you are
only aware of how much your body hurts
not why it hurts or even where, just all
just every all over, just everyplace
beneath the skin and your skin
and your hair too.
5 In this photograph you are naked
but your lover told you never to
contact them again,
so you can’t ask them to delete it.
In this photograph you are kissing.
You can’t ask them anything anymore
but you wonder if they remember when the pain started
because you can’t remember anything but always
and you don’t have the receipts
for those glowing green bottles of Midori,
the amber bottles, the peach Bellini.
6 In this photograph you are
putting your hand up
saying stop.
Arden Eli Hill
Despite being from Louisiana, Arden has never wrestled an alligator, only a kangaroo. He is the author of Bloodwater Parish. Arden’s work has appeared in Willow Springs, Western Humanities Review, Tupelo Quarterly Disability Folio, About Place's Strange West's issue, the award-winning anthology First Person Queer, and its sequel. He has work forthcoming from Belfast Pride 2024. In case you are still thinking about the kangaroo, Arden won.
Comentários